Hello, I’m USFN Sports Announcer, Ben Dover, here with Houston Gambler’s owner, Booger Ninetwosix, on my show “Ben Dover and Take it,” where I ask the tough questions. Mr. Ninetwosix, welcome to the show.
Booger: Please call me Booger.
Dover: Ok. Booger. Let’s get to it, after a very humbling first two seasons in which you have went 9-23, where do you think your team stands now?
Booger: I am extremely excited, as I am at the start of every new season, but so more this season. Just as I wear my team’s patch on my left sleeve, the closest to my heart rules. As you know, my team has made some improvements in our defense thru the draft and free agency. Because of that, I do think that the USFL fans, as well as Houston Gambler fans, will see a greatly improvement in our team.
Dover: You mentioned your improvement towards the defense side of the game, where you were 20th in the league in Passing Defense, 21st in Rushing Defense, and 21st in total Defense in the last season. What makes you think you have made improvements?
Booger: Well, for one, we drafted 2 DB in Vargas and Keely in the first two rounds of this year’s draft. With the league’s overall commitment towards the passing game, those two picks alone will keep this team on pace to be competitive.
Dover: But you drafted CB Bonnet, which you traded this season to the defending Pacific Champions, the Honolulu Hawaiians, with the 5th overall pick in the first round of last season to help your passing defense for a third round pick this season, and yet you were still in the bottom third against the pass. How do you explain this?
Booger: Call it addition by subtraction. With the trade, we were able to draft our FB George Webb in the third round. Webb is considered “too fast for a FB, too big for a RB, and too small for a TE.” I have found that those considered “ain’t good enough”, the under-achievers if you will, are usually the most over achievers. We will see.
Dover: You said you focused mainly on your defense, but you drafted a FB, an offensive player, in the third round.
Booger: And your point is? He was the best, by my standards, who was available at the time. I also drafted another offensive player, Center Carl Lawlor, in the third round. Lawlor is etched in stone as the team’s Center for the next 10 years. Just because I admit I need D doesn’t mean I should neglect my O.
Dover: But….
Booger: There’s no buts about it. It was my choice and I will live by my choice of letting my GM make my choices for me. I do believe my GM made the right decision in my third round picks. If you have a problem with them, then I suggest you speak with my GM, Dewey Cheatum. I do have a strong Offense.
Dover: Let’s move forward. You start your third season in the USFL going against the reigning and defending World Champions, the Oakland Invaders. And after an embarrassing preseason 4th game against Tampa Bay, which you lost 56-3, how do you expect to even compete against such a superior team?
Booger: You seem to forget that 1976 is a brand new season. Right now, all teams are considered equal. Oakland has won just as many games I have at this point. Although I put on a persona of not being intimidated by Oakland, really they are a good team, but this time in the season, I ain’t scared. The Oakland Invaders are the current measuring stick for the league.
Dover: And what do you consider your measuring stick?
Booger: Self Improvement. I am just as good as everybody and nobody is as good as I am.
Dover: Okay. You say you are just as good as everybody else, but your record against teams says you are not. You do know that in the past two seasons you have only won one game against teams within your own division.
Booger: And that ONLY win against divisional foes was against our Interstate Rival, and two time Divisional Champion, the San Antonio Gunslingers. So our win was against the best, which goes to say we are improved.
Dover: But…
Booger: But what? We are the current owners of the I-10 Construction Zone Trophy, to represent our rivalry against San Antonio. And the League is getting together to discuss another possible divisional rivalry trophy between my team and the Oklahoma Outlaws. Why would the league put up dollars for a trinket if they do not see the potential coming?
Dover: Ok, but let’s get back to your seasonal opener against the defending Champions, Oakland Invaders.
Booger: Sure
Dover: How do you think your team will fare?
Booger: Right now, at this time, we are all equal. I like my chances.
Dover: But you’re a 17 point underdog
Booger: And David was a 98 lb weakling going against a Giant, yet we all know how that turned out. Look, I can see where you are heading with this. The hardest thing about being Champion is remaining Champion. I’ll give Oakland and their owner the respect they deserve. They did it the hard way by earning it. But if they think that we will just roll over and die, or run away and hide just because of who and what they are, then they have another think coming. Every fight that I have been in, when I was kicked to the ground and left as beaten pile, I got back up and asked, “that the best you got?” I have fought thru adversity that others fear and I am still here. I install that trait in my team as well as every player and personnel in my organization. I admit that I am no Champion…yet…but I ain’t no loser either. My team does not lay down for anybody.
Dover: Let’s talk about your team. You said you will only carry 2 QB’s but after preseason cuts, you still have 3 QBs on your roster. Why is that?
Booger: It’s because when you light a fire under someone’s **** they produce beyond belief. Honestly, I thought without a doubt that James Lightfoot would not be on this team’s starting roster after his performance in week one of preseason. Then, in his showcase game in the third preseason game against Washington, he went 22/33 for 510 yards and 5….count them 1,2,3,4,5….TDs. He played behind a 2nd string OL and with back-up Receivers and still put up those numbers. Needless to say, he now has my, as well as my coaches attention.
Dover: Is he your starter?
Booger: No. Chester Dougherty is still the leader of this team. But Lightfoot did put our rookie QB Walton Vasquez, who had an outstanding training camp as well as a great preseason, on notice that he isn’t going away any time soon. So our QB chart reads Dougherty, Lightfoot, and then Vasquez in that order. But things may change since both Dougherty and Lightfoot are on the trading block. Right now I am comfortable with Vasquez holding a clipboard while learning the game.
Dover: Well, it seems you definitely seen your weaknesses and focused on improving them. Do you still have any weakness.
Booger: Oh **** yeah. This team still needs OLmen, LBs, DBs and DE’s. But one step at a time.
Dover: Can we get a prediction on your game with Oakland?
Booger: Sure. One team will win and one team will lose, surely to sing the Blues
Dover: Interesting that you quoted lyrics from the band Journey
Booger: Isn’t life a journey?
Dover: Sure is. Thanks for your time Booger Ninetwosix, owner of the Houston Gamblers.
Booger: Thnx for having me. And remember to feed your faith so your fears will starve.
Dover: (laughs) OK. I’m Ben Dover and this has been my show, “Ben Dover and Take it.” Thanks for reading.
Booger: you know, you REALLY should put some serious thought on changing the name. Just saying
Dover: (laughs as exit music plays) You’re too much.

Houston Gamblers Last Season

Staying Historically Incorrect, the Houston Gamblers have decided that this will not be their last season in the USFL.

A Perfect 10
It took 36 games over 3 seasons, but the Houston Gamblers FINALLY got its tenth organizational win when they defeated the Southern California Sun in their home stadium, the seventh wonder of the world, the Astrodome.
A parade is planned down Westimer and Montrose concluding at the House of Pies in River Oaks where the team will share in the restaurant's award winning Key Lime Pie, unless powers that be decide that it is too much above the team's current status and decides to shut down the team's plans so that they (the powers) can have their cake and eat it too.

GAMBLER'S DEFENSIVE PLAYERS GET TOGETHER FOR TEAM PHOTO

The Gambler's Defensive Unit got together for an impromptu group photo taken by a sideline reporter. Left to Right

LDE Michael Spencer - Ankle (3 weeks)
DT Jerry Aiello - Concussion (4 weeks)
DT Thomas Campbell - Leg (2 weeks)
RDE Paul Walker - Ankle (3 weeks)
MLB Boris Riggins - Foot (5 weeks)
SLB David Burt - Foot (3 weeks)
WLB Roderick Carver - Leg (5 weeks)

Gambler's front office is proud to announce that everybody SHOULD be healthy enough for a good old **** kicking by the league's newest owner

Confrontation Between Coach and Player seen on sidelines

There was an ugly scene on the Gambler's sideline as Head Coach Dan Collier angerly confronted FA signee TE Clifford Crumley about his mistakes in the game against the Arizona Wranglers.

As overheard by the sideline reporter
Collier - I need to know what in the **** you are thinking about during the game
Crumley - What do you mean, Coach?
Collier - *** DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!!! YOU ALONE COST THIS TEAM THEIR WELL DESERVED WIN BY HAVING THREE CRUCIAL PENALTIES AT THE WORST TIME....EACH EFFEN TIME WHEN WE SCORED!!!!

Crumley - But Coach
Collier - THERE'S NO BUTS ABOUT IT. IF YOU HAD BEEN GRABBING YOUR OPPONENTS BUTTS INSTEAD OF THEIR JERSEYS, THIS TEAM WOULD HAVE 21 EXTRA POINTS ON THE SCOREBOARD. AND SINCE YOUR ARKANSASIAN MATH CAN'T FIGURE THAT OUT WITHOUT TAKING OFF YOUR SHOES BEFORE DATING YOUR SISTER, THAT WOULD MAKE THE SCORE 28-25!!!

Crumley - But Coach
Collier - WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? SON, THERE IS A REASON WE SIGNED YOU OFF THE FREE AGENT MARKET FOR $130 THOUSAND AND THERE IS A REASON YOU WERE UNSIGNED BY 31 OTHER TEAMS AFTER BEING CUT BY BIRMINGHAM. YOU NEED TO DECIDE WHICH ON YOU LIKED MORE....GETTING A PAYCHECK OR STANDING IN LINE AT THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE.

Crumley - Yes Coach
Collier - (turning to TE Coach Eric Conner) YOU NEED TO GET HIM IN ORDER OR YOU WILL BE DRAWING HIS "NEXT" NUMBER AT THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE, RIGHT AFTER YOU DRAW YOURS

Play Calling and Game Planning

Houston Gamblers' owner Booger Nientosix has announced that, after back to back losses of 40 plus scores after extensive game planning and preparation, Head Coach Dan Collier will no longer be in charge of those duties.

With that being said, the front office has decided to follow the advise of a well-repudiated owner,



and have decided going forward to let Section 42 hotdog/beer vendor Arty Fishial to make all decisions regarding team aspects. These duties include planning offensive and defensive schemes for games as well as scouting and drafting players.

Owner Nientosix will still be around to congratulate every winning coach on their game but has decided to take a backseat to a backseat to a backseat in all ownership aspects. He has a puppy he has to tend to

1976 End Of Season Report



More Reds than Greens, so still a lot of work to do. But with the 7th overall pick and four 2nd round picks in this year's draft, things look good for the future.



With 33 players showing Improvement, 18 players on the decline, and 9 aging players, Management has decided that draft needs are #1 Secondary, #2 End Pass Rusher, and #3 O-Line

Coach Reassignments

The Houston Gamblers organization along with Head Coach Dan Collier are proud to announce the internal promotions of Quarterback Coach Milton Brock to Offensive Coordinator, Defensive Line Coach Jonathan Rivera to Defensive Coordinator, and Tight-ends Coach Eric Conner to Quarterbacks Coach. The Gamblers are also pleased to announce the long term commitment and belief they have in Receivers coach Gary Pritchett with the offering and signing of his $13.2 million over 6 years contract.

Brock, who originally was the head coach of the Michigan Panthers in the inaugural season of the USFL start-up season in 1974, brings the short and quick passing style of the West Coast Offensive style to Houston after his release from the Panthers. While this is in contrast to Head Coach Collier's run focused offense, it continues to stay in par with the league's tendency towards the pass.....use the pass to set up the run and use the run to set up the pass. On the defensive side of the game, Brock tends to favor a more passive style of the 3-4 by going with Zone as opposed to Man. This is somewhat different from HC Collier's defensive style, who favors Man over Zone for a tougher pass defense, but both approve of using their LB's as an extra defensive back in situations calling for the pass. Brock signed for $8 million over 6 years

Rivera, originally the Offensive Coordinator for the Gamblers in the inaugural 1974 season, continues to impress the front office with his knowledge of the game. Demoted to Defensive Line Coach in 75, Rivera showed his knowledge of the game by moving DT Matthew Hard to LDE, where Hard led the team in sacks with 13 and QB hurries with 48. Rivera compliments HC Collier's Defensive Style as they have the same philosophy (Heavy 3-4 Man-to-Man) but his offensive style of a possession style offense, be it short passes or inside runs, only slightly differs from the HC Collier's style. Rivera signed a contract for $48 million over 6 years.

With the promotion of the Gambler's Tight-End Coach, Eric Conner, to their Quarterbacks Coach, Houston truly indicates that they are committed to a possession style offense, which is in style with HC's Dave Collier's style of a run focused offense. Conner signed for over $7 million dollars over 3 years - (OK I EFFEN MESSED UP)

Brock can still be poached if someone wants him as their HC. Among coaches who are not yet the Head Coach, Brock is the 3rd highest rated coach in the West Coast Offense, behind Georgia's Dana Hicks and Honolulu's Homer Smith.